To the Monotonous Clamor and Ringing…

Alexander Blok

To the monotonous clamor and ringing,
To the city’s restless hum,
I drift away, my spirit idle,
Into the storm, the dark, the numb.

I tear the thread of thought asunder,
Forget what is, forget what was…
Around me—snow, and trams, and buildings,
Ahead—just darkness, lights, and loss.

And if, spellbound, my mind untethered,
That thread of consciousness undone,
I come back home, ashamed, defeated—
Could you forgive what I’ve become?

You—knowing still the final harbor,
The guiding beacon through the black—
Would you forgive my storms and madness,
My dreams, my verse, my gloom, my lack?

Or would you better, unforgiving,
Awaken all my bells to call,
Lest in the slush of night and wandering
I lose my homeland—lose it all?